Mondays Are Truly Special…

I’m no astrologer, but I’m pretty sure the cosmos is out of whack.

Either that or The Big Guy is on vacation and a Kardashian is at the controls.

Right about now you’re thinking, “What are you on about this time, Hook? Did you mix your meds up again?”

Allow me to explain.

Someone decided to reboot Sunday, label it “Monday” and sell it all over again – whether you want it or not. Today has been as hectic as a Sunday, but with that extra kick for flavor.

  • Despite the resolution of the elevator repairman strike, our elevators decided to monkey with the human race and work intermittently. People, being people, have not responded well. Imagine that, right?
  • What’s difference between the kids I’ve dealt with today and howler monkeys? Howler monkeys actually prefer canopy leaves, fruits, flowers, and nuts for breakfast rather than Red Bull, chips and cold pizza. Also howler monkeys are less destructive.
  • My never-ending quest to keep pace with the speed of stupid kept from my desk and so I missed meeting the one and only, Mr. “I knew Leo when he was nothin’!”, the host of Thicke of the Night, Mr. Alan Thicke. He dropped by for directions, but alas, our paths were not meant to converge, which is probably a good thing for Mr. Thicke.
  • As of this writing, a pink duffle bag emblazoned with the words “Bitchin’ Diva” has been buzzing for more than five hours. I daresay Ms. Diva’s mechanical friend has lasted longer than any lover she’s ever had….

Enough with the bullet points; time for a little more detail about just why they call me The Hook.

I served a Greek family with a son who may or may not have been a little slow – I wouldn’t even mention it if it didn’t figure into my tale – and as they walked ahead of me on the way to the car, a group of drunken bachelors decided to weigh in on the young man’s status.

“Boy, that kid looks like a retard!” remarked one of the brain donors in question. His buddies laughed  sheepishly, but audibly.

I was outnumbered twelve to one, but I simply wouldn’t be me if I let this one pass.

“Actually, sir, the young man is strong as an ox (he loaded three ridiculously heavy coolers as easily as lifting a pillow.), he’s well-mannered and he has more common sense than most people.”

“How do you figure, Boss?” was my new friend’s response.

“For one thing, he isn’t wearing a shirt that reads “Tittie Inspector”.

Fortunately, the Inspector was distracted by the guffaws and raucous laughter emanating from the gathered crowd to bother with me. Chalk up another “hit ‘n run” for The Hook.

So far the day has been one mini-misadventure after another, but my next call threw a much-needed monkey wrench into the chaos machine.

After a metaphorical crossed wire that resulted in a fifteen-minute delay, I made my way to a family room. The clan in question seemed a little perturbed with me, but after waiting another twenty minutes for an elevator, my performance seemed golden. At the car, Dad decided to knock me flat, in a manner of speaking. After pressing a five dollar bill into my hand, he patted me on the back and we finished loading their “Griswold-mobile”. I began to  make my way to my next victim when dad stopped me.

“Hang on, sir. I’m not through with you just yet.” he said, a sinister Stephen King-like twinkle in his eye. 

His wife hurried over and passed something into his hand which he then passed over to me. The object in question wasn’t important, but his message certainly was.

“Here you go, sir.” he pressed another bill into my hand. “I didn’t tip you enough.”

You read that correctly. He actually said “I didn’t tip you enough.

It was a “One small step for man.” moment. Trust me, when you’re a bellman, you have to take your victories where you can find them.

That’s all for now, folks. See you in the lobby…

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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70 Responses to Mondays Are Truly Special…

  1. Elevators, howler monkeys, “hit n’run” remarks, and a decent human being? There’s laughter on high. Smiles to ya’, Hook.

  2. unfetteredbs says:

    I think I would have passed out at ” I didn’t tip you enough”. You’ve redeemed my slanted view of the public today– but only slightly. Kudos on your showdown with the tittie moron. Your good peeps Hook!

  3. Katie says:

    It is a full moon tonight…

  4. Kardashia at the wheel? Oh you should have seen my face when that notion crossed through my mind, it oddly made perfect sense for this day.

  5. Consider yourself an honorary Aussie – loving you sense of humour and honesty ‘Mr. Hook’ :-)

  6. rebecca2000 says:

    Yay for extra tips and for being kind. Boo hiss for the elevators and missing Mr Thicke.

  7. Good for you, Hook! Not letting them fellas get away with it! If the professor would have been there, we’d have cleared the lot!

  8. I wish more people would speak up as you did………

  9. monica923 says:

    I am cheering you quite loudly for your defense of that young man! And excellent use of bullet points!

  10. You are a good man, Hook! As the mother of a special needs child I want to say a big “thank you” to you for standing up for that young man. I wish more people were like you! :)

  11. 1jaded1 says:

    Take the small victories is very good advice.

  12. Cathy Ulrich says:

    I love your “Day in the Life” posts, Robert. And it’s a good day when you can set a judgmental drunk straight and enjoy the well-deserved gratitude of a satisfied customer.

  13. Boy, that kid looks like a retard!” remarked one of the brain donors in question…oh god I laughed so loud
    Big hugs your way Hook, what a wonderful sense of humour you have..wish you a lovely day ahead :)

  14. Nadia says:

    Good on you, Hook! Moments like that should make up for dealing with howler monkeys and bitchin’ divas, I hope.

  15. HoaiPhai says:

    Doesn’t your hotel have a policy that states the bomb squad must be called in when a guest’s unaccompanied luggage starts buzzing? If not, scribble it down and shoot it into the employee suggestion box.

  16. TBM says:

    Yikes, another full day. I hope Ms. Diva packed batteries or a charger. Have a feeling she did.

  17. Nikitaland says:

    Another great post and I can relate to you regarding tips. I worked as a waitress in a small Italian restaurant and I could fill a book with stories on what customers did that shocked the hell out of me.

  18. Littlesundog says:

    It’s the full moon… I’m Cancer the Crab and I say so! Great post, Mr. Hook.

  19. Kayjai says:

    Congrats on the tip and the howler-monkey kiddies…and nice comeback with the ‘retard’ comment. I cringe every time I hear it and my kids are not allowed to use it…it seems to be an unfortunate all too-common popular phrase…

  20. I think your giving the wrong person the credit on that tip, clearly wifey was smart enough to know her cheap husband and steered him back in the right direction!
    And,,,,good on you for dealing with the “retard” and his stupid comment!
    Love ya hookie!

  21. mairedubhtx says:

    I like the way you stood up for the little Greek boy. Way to go, Robert. You are a kind man.

  22. Thea says:

    Great post! Love the one about the little kid and the brain donors.

    Could you please sometime write a post with suggested tip amounts for particular bellmen tasks, so that when I visit your lovely country I know what is the polite amount to give?

  23. Tittie Inspector?! Gawd Help Us!

  24. Diane C says:

    Heehee. Tittie inspector. Why does the word tittie always make me laugh? Now, excuse me while I go look for my pink duffle bag. Maybe you’ve seen it? It has the words “Bitchin’ Diva” written on it….

  25. bardictale says:

    I wouldn’t even donate his brain to a zombie. Great going Hook! Hope your Tuesday wasn’t a Sunday as well^^

  26. djmatticus says:

    It was Miracle Monday! But, be weary, Anything Can Happen Thursday is just around the corner…

  27. A noble gentleman, you are, my dear Hook! :-)

  28. Gizmo says:

    I want tickets for the cage match between “The Hook” and “The Thickehead”

  29. love your retort in support of the Greek kid. Well done Hook!!!!

  30. Daile says:

    I prefer the other Mr Thicke – Robin

  31. Ha! Some faith in humanity restored, both by the big tipper and your defense of that young kid :)

    Great post!

    Rohan.

  32. Wonderful post, Hook!
    i hope you took that extra tip and bought some magazine with a Kardashian on it… I hear they are rare.

  33. I’m so grateful you have been able to explain how Monday got so out of control. Kardashians were at the controls. I did a full on faceplant early Monday morning spending the rest of the day in emergency and the rest of the week looking like I went a few rounds in one of the Rocky movies. My concussed and swollen head has put me behind in my reading and commenting and anything else to do with the computer. So here I am about 6 days behind. Somehow, still, I’m thinking my day was better than yours.

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