Tomorrow promises to be a big day, kids.
Tomorrow I’m going to step out of my own way and devote my energies to the most noble mission in the world: being a dad that moves mountains for his family.
Mothers get plenty of credit. Dads? Not so much. Of course, that may have something to do with the fact that far too many dads are of the deadbeat variety. There are millions of great dads out there, of course. But unfortunately, a select number of my brethren tend to cut bait and skedaddle when it comers to guiding another human being through life while providing for their every need.
Some guys get pretty mortified when they realize it takes – in some cases, unfortunately – scant seconds to make a child, but a lifetime to raise one and ensure they don’t turn out to be the next Kim Kardashian… or a serial killer… or a lawyer. To be fair, there are plenty of challenges to deal with as a parent, not the least of which is…
- Ensuring the kid doesn’t glue the cat to the wall. (Tip: Keep solvent on hand at all times.)
- Preventing the kid from gluing you to the wall.
- Paying attention. Always. I’ve lost track of the number of times I’ve zoned out, only to hear a crash five minutes later and a major dressing down from my spouse immediately after.
- Feeding the kid after the chips, pop and Pop Tarts run out. (Tip: Never run out of junk food when your spouse leaves the home.)
Personally, I shudder to think how Sarah would have turned out if I had to raise her alone.
Heck, I dropped her so many times growing up, we had to put body armor on the kid just to get her through the Terrible Twos….
But I digress.
My point – and I do have one, I swear – is this: I could use your help tomorrow, so please follow these directions…
- Read tomorrow’s post.
- Marvel at my masterful control of the English language and my razor-sharp wit and charm.
- Reflect on the many times I’ve made you laugh. (All two of ‘em.)
- Reblog if you feel so inclined.
- Pray to whichever deity you worship for my success.
- Indulge in sacrificial ritual if you feel it will help. (Just promise to leave my name out of it should the authorities become involved.)
One last thing: I’ll owe anyone who helps me out so if you want The Hook in your debt, tune in tomorrow.
Same Hook time.
Same Hook station.
See you tomorrow, my friends.