Guest Post: List of X – 10 Reasons Why WordPress Hates The Hook.

I’ve been blessed with some truly cool, kick-ass blogging friends. Here is a guest post from one of them.  To get a better understanding of this truly unique talent, click HERE.

And HERE.

And HERE.

And finally, HERE.

And now, without further adieu, here are some cool words from your guest host…

I was surprised to learn that The Hook with his millions of followers and billions of comments has never been Freshly Pressed (forgive me if these numbers are off, but I can only count to ten).  I certainly enjoy The Hook’s stories and lists, and his blog is unlike any other blog I read.  So why doesn’t WordPress ever pick The Hook for the Freshly Pressed honor?  Here are 10 possible reasons. 

1)  WordPress editors often stay in the hotel where The Hook works, and in their opinion, the fewer people who know what goes on there, the better. 

2)  His blog is already too addictive as it is.  As a matter of fact, I’ve been hooked just by reading the blog name. 

3)  When everyone is getting Freshly Pressed, WordPress had to leave someone not Freshly Pressed. The editors have picked The Hook for that honor because they think that The Hook is least likely to get bitter about it.

4)  With the number of likes and comments You’ve Been Hooked must be getting already, a Freshly Pressed nod could actually mean a slowdown in stats. 

5)  The Hook never posts recipes or pretty pictures.  I know I am very disappointed by the lack of pictures illustrating some of his racier stories. 

6)  “Featured on Freshly Pressed” badge would raise too many questions from hotel guests. 

7)  WordPress editors can’t decide which of The Hook’s blogs they should press. 

8)  For some unknown reason, WordPress prefers to feature blogs of travelers, rather than blogs written by those who have to deal with those annoying blog-writing travelers. 

9)  The blog theme that The Hook uses is cursed.  How else can you explain that You’ve been Hooked, List of X, and about ten other blogs I know with the same theme all share the same glaring absence of “Featured on Freshly Pressed” badge? 

10)  Assuming The Hook gets Freshly Pressed, his book will get an actual publishing deal, be made into a blockbuster starring Brad Pitt (with Justin Bieber as Annoying Teenager #2), and The Hook will no longer need to work.  And you know what that means: no more posts from The Hook.  Sorry, Robert, your millions of followers don’t think so.

BONUS CONTENT!

Spare parts:

11)  It’s very hard to Freshly Press The Hook. If you press too hard, it could lose its edge.

12)  After reading You’ve been Hooked!, the WordPress editors are under the impression that The Hook is blogging for tips.

BUT WAIT!  THERE’S MORE!

May 9 is fast approaching – like a horde of Beliebers on Red Bull – so put a few pennies away for Leanne Shirtliffe’s first literary offering…

Also worth checking out…

My ridiculously talented blogging partner, Miss Four Eyes  has crafted yet another blogging masterpiece for your enjoyment and enlightenment.

Click on the pic below.

That’s an order, bitches!

12-copy-3

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
This entry was posted in Hotel Life and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

84 Responses to Guest Post: List of X – 10 Reasons Why WordPress Hates The Hook.

  1. Katie says:

    Freshly Pressed is nothing more than an honorary title! I think you’ve achieved enough acclaim that being Freshly Pressed would almost be a mockery.

  2. mairedubhtx says:

    The Hook certainly deserves to be Freshly Pressed. I’ve known that forever. But you’ve given a good list of why the idiots at WordPress have probably not given this award to him. He is Freshly Pressed in my book!

  3. I think blackmail with photos and videos from #1 is in order.

  4. twindaddy says:

    Most of the posts I see Freshly Pressed are not even worth reading. Not to me, anyhow. I wouldn’t take it as an insult.

    • List of X says:

      Not surprising at all – we spend months carefully selecting bloggers who are worth reading to follow. Compared to our Readers, Freshly Pressed is mainly just a random assortment of posts on random topics.

  5. Littlesundog says:

    I signed up to be a “follower” because of reason #2. I’ve been hooked ever since. I won’t go on a rant about Freshly Pressed but bottom line, something is good because people love it – not because WordPress (or whoever) says it is. The Hook ROCKS in my book!

  6. Meh, Freshly Pressed is for blogs about cats and chicken and dumpling recipes. LOL

  7. The Hook says:

    I won’t comment on my Freshly Pressed status (or lack thereof), but I want to thank List of X for being an amazing gust host.
    I’ll say it again, I have the best blogging allies anyone could ever ask for!

  8. You should be FP’d – you most certainly deserve it.

  9. CombatBabe says:

    Forget FP, this post is freaking awesome! Great choice in a guest blogger, Hook, and thanks List of X for doing it. I was thoroughly entertained. :D

  10. I can’t quite figure out the whole Freshly Pressed thing and how they pick the blogs. I think yours is definitely a candidate though :)

    • List of X says:

      WordPress had mentioned somewhere that they tend to select blogs that “may otherwise not get followed” – certainly The Hook doesn’t have this problem :)

  11. The Cutter says:

    Freshly Pressed should strive to be Hooked.

  12. Cathy Ulrich says:

    The Hook! The Hook! The Hook! The Hook! (raises fist in air) The Hook! The Hook! The Hook!

  13. I am honored to be in the same unpressed category as The Hook………great, guest post. Thanks for the laughs!

  14. It’s gotta be that #1…or #12 (keep those writing tips out of his hands! He’s great already.)
    Hook is cult. It’s true: Fresh Press can’t encourage groups of wild and crazy people.
    (and he’s saving the pix for blackmail? Just kidding! Love ya’ Hook! And thanks for great guest post recognizing true talent )

  15. Carrie Rubin says:

    Maybe they think that after all the bizarre and unusual things he’s witnessed in his job, getting Freshly Pressed would be nothing but a letdown in comparison. :)

    • List of X says:

      Absolutely – Freshly Pressed is rather plain compared to The Hook’s real life. I have to get my ideas from the news or The Hook’s suggestions (this post), and he just needs to show up for work. :)

  16. “…so put a few pennies away for Leanne Shirtliffe’s first literary offering.” I initially read this as, “so put a few PENISES away for Leanne Shirtliffe’s first literary offering.” I thought that this must be a GREAT book if I have to save up some penises.

  17. I think number 9 is the reason.

    • List of X says:

      I have proof, actually: my blog has the same theme, and I’ve been FP myself, but always as a guest post on someone else’s blog with a different theme.
      I was kind of hoping for someone to come forward with an FP badge and same blog theme, and no one has. It must truly be cursed.

  18. MissFourEyes says:

    I think it’s #4. Or they probably think that if The Hook was FP’d he’d outshine the other FP posts. Wouldn’t be fair to them would it? :)

    Thanks for the links Hook! You rock!

  19. Hey Hook. I’m right there with you. Have never been FP – however those posts with rotten swear words or even just one photo of nothing gets FP-ed. Oh well, at least we have each other. :)

  20. This is a brilliant post! Ah Robert, we are part of an exclusive club, the non freshly pressed people. It will be a sad day should we ever lose our privileged title ;)

    All the reasons make perfect sense to me, and I doubt WordPress want the server crash that would accompany such a massive chunk of traffic from one part of the web to another :)

    Great list, thanks to The Hook for the introduction!

    Rohan.

  21. Ashley Austrew says:

    I would love it so hard if this post got Freshly Pressed. A FP post about not being FP. My world would implode.

    Hooker–because that is what your name always makes me want to call you–you will get the nod one day and then you’ll be like, man, that was not everything I hoped it would be. Being FP is kind of like losing your virginity. I say this as a woman b/c I’m sure the loss of virginity is a great experience for guys. But, from my standpoint as the girl in that situation, it was a whole lot of hype for 3 seconds of awkward humping with a confused boy who had no idea what he was doing. And being FP is exactly like that.

    Still, I know it feels important, so I hope you get the nod soon.

    • The Hook says:

      “But, from my standpoint as the girl in that situation, it was a whole lot of hype for 3 seconds of awkward humping with a confused boy who had no idea what he was doing.”
      And this is why I love you, Ashley Austrew. You’re the man – but with girl parts, of course.

    • List of X says:

      It is sort of like losing your virginity, only with more people commenting.
      And I hope it’s one of the The Hook’s posts that gets Freshly Pressed, not my guest post – that just wouldn’t be right.

    • I have never heard anyone describe it better! Perfect.

  22. Pixie Girl says:

    I agree, FP-ed or not, you’re awesome ;)

  23. Jennifer says:

    Freshly pressed is over rated. You rock just the way you are. (Although if I was ever FP’d I’d shout it from the rooftops, then the pressure would be too much and I’d be a one hit wonder…)
    Brilliant post Mr X. :-)

    • List of X says:

      Thank you!
      I agree, FP does have that effect on people, and yes, it’s probably overrated too. Though I doubt there is a single WordPress blogger out there who’d refuse the honor.

      • Jennifer says:

        I wonder if there is an X list of those that have refused the honour??

      • List of X says:

        I don’t think that there is a list, WordPress isn’t really giving you the option to refuse the honor. They just notify you via e-mail and then post it on FP page. It’s probably because no one even said no, being too busy shouting from the rooftops :) You’ll have your chance to see how it works soon enough, I hope :)

      • Jennifer says:

        I’m not holding my breath, but you never know. Can I pass it on to someone I feel is more worthy, say The hook?

      • List of X says:

        You can try asking when that e-mail comes.

      • Jennifer says:

        I’d like to say I would, but human nature would dictate I take all the glory, ah, the conundrum of first world problems. I’m not holding my breath either way.

      • List of X says:

        Yes, of course, the human nature… The Hook knows all about it.

      • Jennifer says:

        Of course, I’m sure he’d understand my predicament, ;-)

  24. Blogging for tips is probably just as productive as travelers providing them. But, hey, every little bit helps I guess.

  25. Kim says:

    I’ve never been pressed either :( I always just assumed it was because I tend to cuss like a sailor… ;)

    • List of X says:

      Think of “freshly pressed” as just another F-word :) And by the way, I looked at some of your posts, and if you’re cussing like a sailor, well, that’s some rather refined and well-mannered sailor :)

  26. Theasaurus says:

    6) “Featured on Freshly Pressed” badge would raise too many questions from hotel guests.

    The WordPress staffers are too bloody business ethically-minded.

    But I wonder what they’d say if you added the “Freshly Pressed” badge anyway…?

  27. Look on it as a badge of honour, Hook. I do

  28. A great ‘guest post’, my dear Hook….!
    Though, being ‘Freshly Pressed’ is probably a part of your every day… I’m certain that VampireLover ensures your attire is of the neatest possible status…! ;)

  29. mabukach says:

    #1 all the way.
    Deferred tips for F’Pressing?

  30. Cayman Thorn says:

    I believe the Hook is being unfairly typecast on account of that ridiculous teen slasher flick “I Know What You Did Last Summer”…. So unfair.
    PS- There was a hook in that movie, right?

  31. I wonder what would happen if someone just stuck the FP sticker up there anyway. I mean, it’s not like you can’t just copy/paste it. I wouldn’t do it, but I’m just curious what would happen if you did. Would the WP gods notice and ban you forever? I actually thought about writing a post wherein I stole badges from other blogs just to prove a point. Then I figured maybe people wouldn’t like that much.

    • List of X says:

      I don’t think WP gods would notice that, but I wouldn’t want to play games with their favor. And sure, you wouldn’t do that, because you already got one :)
      If only we knew someone who’s about to quit blogging, and who would be willing to become a guinea blog…

      • It’d be interesting. And YOU got one, just as a guest blogger – I think if you’re guest blogging, you should get one as well as the blog you guested on. Just my opinion, of course, but I’m right. :D

      • List of X says:

        I got 2 as a guest blogger, actually :) So I have a really good excuse for me to put the sticker on, except that I just don’t care for the sticker. (I’ll take FP, thank you very much, but the sticker… meh…)

  32. I like the idea of your book being made into a movie blockbuster. Particularly if Justin Bieber gets run over by one of those cart things you’re always mentioning.

  33. Kanerva says:

    How did I miss this?! Brilliant post. My guess is that there is a Freshly Pressed bot zooming around … Looking for some bizarre combination of tags, photos and of course the right theme :)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s