Definitely Cry Over Expired Milk – With Becca Cord. (“Or How I Blog On A Saturday”, by The Hook)

If you don’t know who Becca is by now, then you should stop reading this right now, take a deep, cleansing breath and re-evaluate your entire existence, because you’re doing something wrong, my friend.

Becca is THE MAN. Period.

Except, she doesn’t actually have man parts (well, maybe in her freezer; don’t mess with that girl!), but she is ridiculously badass. She is also on a mission. namely, to conquer the great kingdom of YouTube, and rename it BeccaTube.

Original name, right?

But I digress.

As a loyal ally and fan of Ms. Cord, I present to you now, her latest video masterpiece….

Definitely Cry Over Expired Milk

(Incidentally, this post is in no way an attempt on my part to fill space while I desperately attempt to write a second book. Nor is it a way to keep my audience occupied while I attempt to serve the great unwashed masses currently filing into the hotel on Easter weekend.)

Are you buying any of this?

Anyway, here we go…

My impulse purchasing has become a real problem as of late. I am not even paying attention anymore. Last night I was picking up a few beers and for some reason felt compelled to buy some milk too. I don’t even know why. I never buy milk. So, this morning I wake up and realize that I have milk, which is a rare commodity in my fridge. I open the little bottle and take a big swig.

It took me about half a second after I already swallowed my sip to realize that something was not right. I looked at the expiration date immediately.

To see if Becca Cord actually survived her brush with liquid death, read on…

AND NOW, SOME ORIGINAL CONTENT FROM THE HOOK…

Five Crazy Things That Kids Said Today.

Yeah, I know the title sucks. Sue me. I felt bad for almost hitting “Publish” without including something from my own creative machine…

1)  “MOM! I THINK WE KILLED TIMMY!” Seriously, these two rugrats knocked their sibling over in the lobby, where he remained, face down and sobbing quietly, for ten full minutes.

2)  “Mom, Dad! The servant is here!” The dad actually slipped me a twenty out of embarrassment. I love kids sometimes.

3)  “Dad, can we order room service? I feel like a steak and a beer!”  Eight-year-old girls, man…

4)  “Has Justin Bieber ever stayed here? My cousin, Jessica, has a picture of her standing in front of his car here, and I said she faked it because she’s a lying slutbag!”  This young lady was twelve. Her parents chose to ignore her outburst. Modern parents, man….

Incidentally, it was Bieber’s dad’s car – a replica of Justin’s “Batmobile” – and he didn’t actually check in, he simply left his vehicle parked outside for a few hours. But that’s another post entirely…

5)  (Another eight-year-old girl, but speaking in a hushed tone) “We brought my sister’s girlfriend, Katie, with us. But we can’t s tell anyone she’s her girlfriend. And I’m not supposed to tell anyone Katie gave me $5 to get Mom and Dad out of the room so they can -”  The young lady in question was unable to finish her secret spilling, as her older sister and mom both reached for her throat and yanked her back hard enough to snap her little, gossipy neck….

Happy Saturday, folks!

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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33 Responses to Definitely Cry Over Expired Milk – With Becca Cord. (“Or How I Blog On A Saturday”, by The Hook)

  1. becca3416 says:

    You know…. I AM the man. Thanks buddy. YouTube look out! Happy Easter too and stuff :).

  2. Tom Merriman says:

    Happy Saturday, Hook… and yes, Becca is the man! :D

  3. Jennifer says:

    I love kids!! Did I really just say that, kids suck, unless they are mine. I love mine. Actually mine are as bad as this lot … I might just go drink some spoilt milk, might make me feel better.

  4. The Cutter says:

    I mean you kind of are the servant.

  5. Lady Lovely says:

    Becca is da man, but I need to hear more about number 4 please…and thanks!

    • The Hook says:

      I’m going to write more about “The Bieb’s” dad, but I’m always hesitant to write about celebrities; I don’t relish the thought of being sued!
      However, he’s a D-List celebrity )at best) and he didn’t actually check into the hotel, so maybe…

  6. eyeLaugh says:

    Hahahaha wow those five things are hilarious! Thanks for sharing. New term of the year is slutbag.

  7. renxkyoko says:

    Went there… followed. She’s hilarious.

  8. Hey, they can call me a servant too if I can also have a 20! (Does that make me sound cheap? Oh well, ok, 30 then).

  9. Kanerva says:

    Out of the mouths of… hope the Easter weekend is kind to you!

  10. mairedubhtx says:

    I love Becca–love her red hair. Love her even when she was blond. And love young kid quotes. Out of the mouths of babes, as they say.

  11. Can you imagine doing a “Kids Say The Darndest Things” program now-a-days using your material? It would be hysterical although I am sure Art Linkletter would roll over in his grave and Bill Cosby would pass out.

  12. MissFourEyes says:

    Haha! I love kids (let me rephrase, I love being around kids for a limited amount of time, just enough so they can say/do something hilarious) :D

  13. Jo Bryant says:

    I so want to hear the Bieber story now…

  14. No need for a Bieber story for me– but in all seriousness, where do these kids come from? My mom would have slapped me silly if I talked like that. (in a nice, loving way of course)

  15. Becca is great. Rad plug.
    The kids are even greater. Consolation for me, knowing that maybe I haven’t totally screwed my kids up; maybe it’s just the times.
    I enjoyed this ridiculously random post.

  16. I’ve had trick-or-treaters ask for beer. Now I know why.

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