Black Box Warnings, Charlie Sheen Wannabes, and An Incredible Comic Con Announcement.

Before we begin, click here and you’ll be directed to Black Box Warnings, a safe haven where bloggers can share another side of themselves, free of the restrictions of their individual blogs. It’s my turn today.

If you’d like to see what drives me – and ironically, what I have to be ever-vigilant of – then hop over to BBW and you’ll be enlightened. While you’re there, take a look at some of the posts most personal posts you’ve ever read by some of the most talented writers working today.

But enough about me. Let’s move on, shall we?

In the past, I’ve gone to great lengths to humanize the working girls I’ve written about.

This is not one of those posts.

Personally, I think old men who hire hookers to pose as their travel companions are fooling themselves. If they feel the need to hire a sexual partner, then they should keep the entire sorted affair behind closed doors, where it belongs.

That having been said, you have to admire the moxie on a fifty-year-old man that hires a twenty-year-old hooker to be his date – at his granddaughter’s wedding.

She was a raven-haired, busty young lady reminiscent of Bettie Page in every way – its nice to see a gal who enjoys a steak every once in awhile instead of a steady diet of bird seedincluding the schoolgirl innocence.

“Baby, I’m cold!” she squealed as he danced an awkward jig on the snow covered valet deck. He sent her in and began handing me their luggage, which consisted of a single duffel bag, some plastic bags and alcohol.

Plenty of alcohol.

I sent him off to check in and when we met up at the room she had perched herself on a chair facing the window with its spectacular view of the Falls. In that instant she was no  longer a common whore but rather a queen surveying her kingdom.

I’m willing to bet my use of the word whore gave you pause, as it did me, but there’s no sense in beating around the bush, so to speak. Or should I say the hired bush?

At any rate, the gentleman certainly wasn’t uncomfortable being frank with me and so I responded in kind.

50-YEAR-OLD CHARLIE SHEEN WANNABE: (As we took turns unloading mix, beer and alcohol) Thanks, buddy! I like to bring a lot to drink, don’t I? It helps set the mood, if you know what I mean.

THE HOOK: I understand, sir. Then again, at this point its sort of a given that you’re going to have an enjoyable evening, if you know what I mean. Let’s face it, she’s a sure thing…

Once again, my well-honed instincts served me right and the gentleman responded with boisterous laughter and the surrender of a sizable gratuity rather than anger and a call to a manager.

I wish I could say this was an isolated incident, but the truth of the matter is, I see dozens of similar couples and although this particular incident was one of the most interesting I’ve ever encountered, it was by no  means the most creepy.

That award goes to the father-daughter duo – who spent the weekend pawing each other.

  • In they ran their hands up each others’ thighs in the elevator.
  • They grabbed each others’ backsides in the lobby.
  • They dry humped – very slowly – on the valet deck at the height of check-out time.

As it turns out, they were actually regular guests who everyone assumed were connected by blood, not a work-for-hire arrangement.

Their public antics over the course of the weekend in question dispelled that notion immediately.

I still can’t believe they weren’t related. They certainly looked the part – just picture Liv and a cleaner version of Steven Tyler which made the whole situation even… ickier.

Still, one man’s icky is another man’s present to himself.

Happy post-Valentine’s Day, folks.

If you’re a geek like me – but somehow still cool – and you’re going to be in the Falls June 8 & 9, check this out…

It's Nerdrific!Turns out, one of the greatest personalities of our time, the Hulk himself, Lou Ferrigno,

From the 1978 The Incredible Hulk episode &quo...

From the 1978 The Incredible Hulk episode “Married” (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

will be hanging out  and giving “110%” in my hometown this summer. Feel free to scream, “Thank you, Jesus!”, if you’re a hardcore geek like me…

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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50 Responses to Black Box Warnings, Charlie Sheen Wannabes, and An Incredible Comic Con Announcement.

  1. wherethedaytakesme says:

    Oh the life lol.

  2. rossmurray1 says:

    I’m still trying to get my head around the math of a 50-year-old marrying off, not his daughter, but his granddaughter! “Let’s see, if he was 18 when he had a kid, and his kid had a kid at 18, that would make the granddaughter… nope, still doesn’t work.” Having just finished reading “Lionel Asbo: State of England,” though, this isn’t entirely implausible. Plus, it kind of explains a lot.

  3. twindaddy says:

    Hook, keep the stories coming. Reading about idiots such as these makes me feel that much better about myself.

  4. Just the thing for that sugar induced haze from Valentines: outlandish hotel antics.
    (Comic Con! A reason to survive the winter!)

  5. JackieP says:

    Hey Hookster! It does not surprise me with the older men and their young um escorts. But, what about the women? Do you see older women who hire young men? Just wondering. Anyway, I think you have to be a special kind of person to work for the public. I’ve done it, so I know. You are a special kind of person. ;-)

  6. robincoyle says:

    Maybe she wasn’t a hooker. Maybe it was true love fueled my alcohol and his huge, um, wallet.

  7. Ahh yes, there’s nothing like a picture of a big green man in a cage to make you feel all nostalgic-like! Seriously, I used to love watching the hulk back then. It had that kind of sad music that haunted me a bit.

  8. Caroline says:

    Haha I love your comment to him…blunt but TRUE. and all I can think is that poor girl’s father..

  9. I presume you get to see all sorts in the trade, Hook.

  10. Kozo says:

    How many books do I have to buy for you to have enough money to get a spy cam? Remember WordPress Daily says to add pictures for better blogging. :)

  11. Jennifer says:

    “In that instant she was no longer a common whore but rather a queen surveying her kingdom” best line there. I see so much happening with that… and I’m not being dirty even. I can picture it perfectly.

  12. >In the past, I’ve gone to great lengths to humanize the working girls I’ve written about.
    >This is not one of those posts.
    – Uh oh. Gotta brace myself to not get emo again.

    >I’m willing to bet my use of the word whore gave you pause, as it did me,
    – Pause? Try cringe. If I could cover my eyes and read simultaneously, I’d probably do it.

    >Or should I say the hired bush?
    – But I can NEVER prep myself for your crackers! I literally LOLed, Hook! Brill!

    >Before we begin, click here
    – Oh. Just thought I’d warn you, Hook. I did more than *gulp* click. I, um, clacked. Like, a lot. Oopsie? Right. You don’t buy that. Well, I tried. ;-)

    Kate

  13. I am outraged and am going to write a letter to someone about this!

  14. mairedubhtx says:

    All I can say is, “Oh, yuck!”

  15. mabukach says:

    Hired Bush AND The Hulk in the same post? Hot damn, friend!

  16. Oh Hook’s life is still never boring! :)

  17. rebecca2000 says:

    It takes all types. LOL I

  18. rebecca2000 says:

    I don’t know why that posted before I finished typing. I said I am sure you’ve seen them all.

  19. giselzitrone says:

    Schöner Artikel.Lieber Gruß und eine gute glückliche Woche.Gislinde

  20. I’m wondering if there’s a novel in there; you know, inside you. You sure have lots of material; many and varied guests; perhaps a plot of murder and intrigue; and a bellman extraordinaire… ;)

  21. Keep the stories coming Hook haha :) Agree with the commenter above, when the time is right you could certainly write a great novel with your insights!

    Rohan.

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