The Legend of Le Clown.

Yesterday’s attempt at pimping out Becca went so well I decided to devote a little more time and energy to my blogging buds. Enjoy.

I was recently confronted with a cold, hard truth, friends and it has thrown my world into a downward spiral of doubt and fear.

It would appear one of the web’s shining lights, the great and powerful cyber-scribe known as Le Clown, is not, as I have believed until now, a being of immeasurable power, but rather, a mortal man.

Yes, Le Clown recently confessed to suffering from an injured back.

What’s real? What isn’t? Who knows?

And so I have spent the last few days pondering the many legends surrounding Le Clown. Here now, are five such myths and the singular truth surrounding Le Clown….

HE HAS MASTERY OVER ALL SPACE AND TIME.

You may be chuckling, but just cast your eyes upon these creations and tell me if anyone other than Le Clown could possibly be responsible for them…

YOU CAN THANK LE CLOWN FOR BRING ALL OF US TOGETHER: Le Clown is believed to have traveled back  in time and planted the seeds for the creation of mankind’s most wondrous creation: a portal through which nerds everywhere can masturbate for free. The initial idea is credited as being Leonard Kleinrock’s,  but he was at a kegger on May 30, 1961 when Le Clown visited him at the stroke of midnight much as Marty McFly did to his socially impotent father in Back to the Future. The rest is history.

And no, I cannot verify whether or not Leonard Kleinrock actually attended a kegger – ever – but just go with it, okay?

2)  HE INVENTED THE AUTOMOBILE: Le Clown knew carriages would not suffice; not if his next creation was going to come to fruition…

3)  HE INVENTED “PARKING”: He knew groping and begging for the affections of a young lady in the back of a carriage overlooking a hillside just wouldn’t work, and so Le Clown changed the face of travel forever. Until then, you could always count on a romantic rendezvous to be cut short by flatulent horses…

4)  BEER COMPANIES OWE A DEBT OF THANKS TO LE CLOWN: The Mesopotamians invented beer? Yeah, right. Until our host visited them, they were swallowing bees to get a buzz…

And finally…

5)  MEN CAN THANK LE CLOWN FOR BRAS: He knew droopage would be an issue and that half the fun in enjoying a present is unwrapping it. Now if only he could have made then “Hook-proof”; I once used a pair of tin snips to “unlock” a particularly challenging undergarment…. 

I leave it up to you, my friends and fellow bloggers, to arrive at your own decisions regarding these legends – and my research, for that matter. Personally, I think Le Clown is feigning the whole back injury thing to throw his enemies off their game.

Yeah, I know, there is a major hole in my theory… Le Clown doesn’t have enemies, only a legion of followers.

Get well soon, my master.

MEANWHILE, WITHIN THE PAGES OF THE BOOK OF TERRIBLE: I take a look at Beyoncé’s recent troubles – and laugh at them.

If you’re a geek like me – but somehow still cool – and you’re going to be in the Falls June 8 & 9, check this out…

It's Nerdrific!

PLEASE READ THIS BLOG: You’ll be moved by MJ’s story. Her life story – and that of her daughter Grace – is one of hope, the power of family and the healing power of laughter.

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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59 Responses to The Legend of Le Clown.

  1. Nicole Marie says:

    I believe every one of those legends to be true. I’ve heard every one discussed around a campfire at some time or another. Also, I WANNA GO TO COMIC CON! Always wanted to go, but never been. I bet it is truly epic.

    • The Hook says:

      Our local comic-con is well on its way to being truly epic!
      And yes, those legends are indeed trenched in truth. I do my homework, you know!

  2. Le Clown says:

    The Hook,
    Like other mega-powerful-many-times-superstars, Le Clown knows a detractor or two… But Le Clown also invented the “live and let live” attitude, back when Homer wrote The Iliad, and changed Le Clown’s name to Achilles, Nestor, Zeus….. His words to Homer: (translated from Ancient Greek):

    “Write smack about me
    Write good about me
    As long as you write about me”.

    These words were later on used by Polanski when responding to the bad press surrounding the Samantha Geimer scandal.
    Le Clown

    • The Hook says:

      But I wasn’t slinging smack, Le Clown. I was merely trying to indulge my “inner clown” and cut loose. You have a dark comic gift for cutting loose on your blog, so I thought I’d try to follow suit.
      I have nothing but respect for your style, envy for your ability to draw attention to your work and admiration for your God-given way of inspiring loyalty among your followers.
      Rock on, Le Clown!

      • Le Clown says:

        The Hook,
        Oh, I wasn’t referring to you, my dear The Hook. I was showing you yet another mere mortal quality to me… And then, there’s that Tony Clifton dude who keeps throwing rocks in my windows…….
        Le Clown

      • The Hook says:

        Whew! You’re the last clown I’d want to piss off!

        A Hook/Le Clown feud would shake the pillars of Heaven, last years and take thousands of lives…
        And besides, who has the time these days?

        I wonder how many people will get the Tony Clifton reference?

        One last thing, did you get the e-mail I sent yesterday or did the spam monkeys eat it again?

      • Le Clown says:

        The Hook,
        I will spread your post all over the interwebs like herpes at a frat party.
        Le Clown

      • The Hook says:

        I can see the headline now: “The Hook spreads blogging virus across world-wide web. Millions pluck out eyes.”

      • Le Clown says:

        The Hook,
        Feuds are so 2012 anyway…
        Le Clown

      • The Hook says:

        True.
        As always, your wisdom is irrefutable.

  3. mairedubhtx says:

    I’m glad Eric liked the legends and rumors you’ve been spreading about him–all true, I’m sure. After his trip to Boston and Phillie this week, he will be wanting to pack his bags for Niagara Falls next, or maybe wait for the Comic Festival.

  4. Pingback: Le Clown in Le City of Brotherly Love | A Clown On Fire

  5. As a researcher, I should be appalled at the lack of 1st person evidence for these claims…but as a mercenary, if you pay me enough money, I’ll gladly endorse the claims as completely true and without bias. I’m easy like that.

  6. JackieP says:

    Ah Hook, so glad Le Clown appreciates your humor. As we all do. I feel so puny in my normalness (is that a word??) All though I think ‘normal’ gets a bad rap. I aim to bring it back! ;-)

  7. Kim says:

    So you’re saying…. The Hook has issues with bra hooks? Clever, my friend!

  8. Poor Le Clown….what to do? Hook, I’m not sure about the bra invention??? Really. But, a package to unwrap. I suppose that could all be worth all those stubborn hooks and discomfort. Anything for a surprise!!

  9. twindaddy says:

    Blunt Life Coach™ speaks: Who is this clown that everyone keeps talking about and why does anyone care about a MAN that wears makeup?

  10. Pixie Girl says:

    I don’t think there is a single other person in the blogosphere praised so frequently as Le Clown!

    Good that he’s worth it… ;)

  11. robincoyle says:

    Le Clown invented the bra after his boobs sagged from breastfeeding the sock monkey. Necessity is the mother of invention.

  12. Such crazy banter fit for a Shakespearean play. Can I play a dude?

  13. susielindau says:

    I think you should change your name to Le Hook!

  14. So you weren’t clowning around about Le Clown being down (literally!).

    Just left him a word of cheer.

    Thanks for telling us, Hook. Being of some use to some people is what I like to do sometimes.

    Have a happy Some-day! :-)

    Kate

    P.S.: I did not see my comment up there. Down there actually. Not THERE, Hook, the bottom of Le Clown’s page. Oh, you meant that, too. Right. ;-)

    Do comments on his blog appear after he waves a green flag? Or wiggles his red nose? Thumbs his nose at us, less maginificient ‘uns? Oh. Okay.

    • Le Clown says:

      Kate,
      Thanks for your message of hope. I thought it was left in Pandora’s box, with your comment which I have rescued from my SPAM box this morning. I will write you something wonderful on my blog. Until then…
      Le Clown

      • >Thanks for your message of hope.
        – You’re welcome, Le Clown! I believe in the power of positive thoughts, and I had hoped mine would make a dent in your back. To help push back the herniated disc into place, you know?

        >I thought it was left in Pandora’s box, with your comment which I have rescued from my SPAM box this morning.
        – So, SPAM I am! Green eggs and ham! *grimace*

        >I will write you something wonderful on my blog.
        – Aww, thank you.

        >Until then
        – … I hope you’ll be good to your back. It will return the favour.

        Kate

  15. MissFourEyes says:

    So thats why they invented parking! Le Clown is truly a brilliant (magnificent) man. And so are you Le Hook!

  16. They sound reasonable to me, Hook… I like a good legend every now and then!

  17. Nothing like a flatulent horse for killing the mood :D

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