Hello, Gentle Readers, may I be frank?
No, I’m not tired of being The Hook – the pay sucks but I’ve settled into the role – I simply need to get something off my forty-two-year-old chest: I can be a selfish jerk sometimes.
So instead of worrying about my stalled writing career or whether or not I hear back from various agents and producers, I’m going to get out of my own way and devote some time and blog space to a genuinely worthy cause….
Getting this young lady laid.
THIS IS THE FACE OF AN ANGEL. OR MANKIND’S DOOM. I’M NOT SURE WHICH.
If you’re unfamiliar with this young lady, then click here. Done? Then we’ll begin.
The lovely blogger known world-wide as Becca ( in some cultures she’s referred to as the Great Ginger Devil, but that’s neither here nor there) has come to a stark realization about her life.
It seems she doesn’t have one.
She has devoted her time and considerable energies to crafting a kick-ass blog and digital presence designed to drive fear into her enemies, as criminals are a cowardly and superstitious lot…
Wait, that’s Batman. What the hell is Becca trying to accomplish? Besides accumulating the largest collection of donkey porn and men’s long johns in North America, that is. At any rate, the girl has run herself ragged. Her little fingers are sore from repeated tapping at the keyboard of her laptop – among other things – and her since her blog has apparently achieved sentience, she can now leave her apartment and take on that big ole world.
But she needs help.
Not the psychiatric kind; the modern pharmaceutical world hasn’t developed a drug powerful enough to quell her particular brand of madness. No, she needs a modern-day Cupid my friends.
So if anyone has a sibling or a newly-paroled cousin that’s looking for a mate, let Becca know, okay?
I have now done my good deed for the day. Time to go mock some guests…
MEANWHILE, WITHIN THE PAGES OF THE BOOK OF TERRIBLE: I take a look at Beyoncé’s recent troubles – and laugh at them.
If you’re a geek like me – but somehow still cool – and you’re going to be in the Falls June 8 & 9, check this out…
PLEASE READ THIS BLOG: You’ll be moved by MJ’s story. Her life story – and that of her daughter Grace – is one of hope, the power of family and the healing power of laughter.
Just Another Canadian Gurl needs your help! She’s snowed in and could use a friendly word or two n her blog. So let’s help chase her snow covered blues away, okay?
Pimping me out like a true friend. How can I ever repay you?!
Well…
No, wait, I’m married. And old.
Come to think of it, you can’t pay me back. Just be happy and we’ll call it even.
Eh,Mr. Hook. I’ll help myself first….. ahahahaha.
I hear you! Charity begins at home, right?
Is this what America has come to? Trying to find mates for attractive people? It’s like how we’re all concerned that Taylor Swift and Jennifer Aniston can’t find “the right guy.” They don’t need help!
Believe me, I don’t care about Jennifer “I’m a perpetual victim” Aniston of Taylor “I’ll date ANYBODY and EVERYBODY” Swift!
But Becca? I’ll go to bat for her all day long.
And besides, I’m Canadian… We help anyone in need.
Just seems from what I’ve seen, Becca shouldn’t need much help. You should be concerned with the ugly bloggers out there! Don’t the unattractive need love too?
Of course! But I’m The Hook, not eHarmony!
And you never will be with that attitude
I just don’t think I’m cut out for the matchmaking game. Sorry.
echoing that.
Thanks for the support, Rich.
Most of my cousins are still in prison. Damn it.
Its always something, isn’t it?
After the last blind date I set up, most of my friends won’t talk to me anymore when the topic comes up.
Has she considered getting a mail-order husband?
That might work. As long as she doesn’t try to get him delivered on a Saturday…
You’ve been helpful, thanks!
i wonder what it says about me that during the 13 years i’ve been divorced, not one friend has attempted to set me up with someone. sonova-
It may be time to get new friends, Rich.
I’m sure it’s just because they think you’re too good for whoever it is.
Or some other cliche for them to get out of it…
That’s a likely scenario…
Thanks for the shout out Hookster!
Currently,,,the snow has now increased in double the size of flakes,,,,I trudged my way to the local Mac’s Milk and asked the owner “Mohammed” (I think that’s their name right?) to use his phone so I could call work to tell them that my ass won’t be in (my cell’s not working, guess I better pay that when I get my first pay cheque.)
Anyways, work was actually shocked that I wasn’t coming into my measly $11.25/hr part time job for 4 hours to read my book because the phone sure as hell won’t be ringing. And, tried to make me feel guilty. Epic fail on their part.
Now I’m home again. Still looking at the snow covered driveway that has doubled and thinking about just starting to drink!
Have fun!
And thank you for visiting. I hope things work out with work and Mother Nature!
Only a TRUE FRIEND worries how much sex your getting!!!! ABOVE AND BEYOND!!!
That’s me. I am very interested in whether or not Becca’s lady parts are being regularly serviced.
LOL
What a true friend you are….pimping for your friends truly defines a relationship. Ah, we Canadians know how to do it!!
We sure do!
All my cousins are still in jail. So are my siblings. Dammit!!
Hey, you tried!
I don’t know…I was over at Becca’s blog this morning and the blog has morphed into a very hot, half naked dude. This is what happens when you put your heart and soul into blogging. She should head straight back to her house and lock the doors for a few days.
It’s true.
You’re both forgetting one small detail: That was a digital representation of a very hot, half-naked dude!
Unless Becca has access to a VERY advanced robot, she’s out of luck. Besides, we’re talking about HER blog, people, how would that be any different than masturbation?
If I wasn’t old like you Hook, I’d hook her up to some of my contemporaries. But, alas (I love saying alas, it makes me feel so Victorian) All the men I know are either married, or if they aren’t, you don’t want em! Sorry, wish I could help Becca.
I think she’ll be all right, Jackie. Thanks!
I can’t put my finger on what it is about this post that makes me so happy, but . . . it really does. I love your hotel visitor tales, but this is a different kind of fun.
I know the feeling of losing track of offline life in favor of emphasizing the online one, but am happily moving away from that zone myself.
Good for you, Deborah! You have a full life away from the screen and a loving family, so your life holds many pleasures, doesn’t it?
I find it hard to believe that Becca is having any trouble at all getting laid. I’m sure writer’s block is a bigger issue for her than finding someone willing to…you know.
No, I don’t know… What do you mean, twindaddy?
Are you really gonna make me say it?
Yep. If I can’t put the screws to you, then who can I put them to?
Your kids. That’s what they’re for.
Fine. You’re off the hook… For now.
Whew. I don’t like being on the hook. Besides, Becca has me on a life system. If I say the wrong thing I lose lives. I never know when she’s lurking. Ack! Oh, that was just my shadow. This sucks!!
Hang in there, buddy!
It’s one anxiety attack after another! I never know when she’s watching…
And now her laptop has achieved sentience.
You’re screwed.
I know. If only there were more stormtroopers in the ‘sphere I’d at least have a decoy going for me.
You’re going to have to deputize some bloggers and start handing out armor…
Hmmm…that’s a good idea. Perhaps I shall employ a vanguard as well. She’s very cunning, that Becca…
Its that twinkle in her eyes; the girl has the potential for great evil….
Most gingers do. I should know…I married one…
I can only assume she doesn’t read my blog…
Um, scroll up, buddy. She’s already commented. Which is why I’m treading very lightly here.
You’re always correcting me, buddy! Sorry about that.
LMAO
Such a caring Hook you are
What can I say? I’m a humanitarian!
The Hook scanning the blogging world for a hho up…what has the world come to ?
Just trying to help a cute, talented blogger out, Jo!
Next thought…why have you never done this for poor little old single me ?????
I’m sorry, Jo! Would you like me to?
Nah !!! I am quite happy with Chevvy, Jackie and Charlie sharing my kingsize bed. I like being able to get up at 2 am cause I can’t sleep to write ar whatever and then sleep in til whenever.
I am single for a reason…I like it that way.
Good for you, Jo!
So nice of you to play Cupid for Becca. While you’re at it, if you could find a nice older gentleman for me, say 58-65, in good shape….
I think I’ve opened Pandora’s box here….
Once this works, Hook, the floodgates will open! You mentioned not being eHarmony… this is how they started…
I may be in trouble, Tom…
I find it hard to believe that pretty girl has trouble finding, ahem, action.
She hasn’t had the time to get out there, Robin!
But now she’s on the prowl, so to speak…
You are such a good friend, Hook. Only real friends would worry about their friends not getting any action. And only the truest friends would pimp each other out on the internet
Well said, Miss Four Eyes!
I can be pretty cool when I’m not being a selfish jerk, right?
>I’m going to get out of my own way and devote some time and blog space to a genuinely worthy cause….
>Getting this young lady laid.
- Like quite a few commenters have remarked – a friend in need indeed.
Carry on doing what we, Canucks, and real friends do, Hook!
Good luck, Becca! When it happens, it will be worth the wait. That’s what I tell myself.
>So if anyone has a sibling or a newly-paroled cousin
- There’s a difference?
[This doubt arises from a baby sis who has been teased so much by her much older brother that she *thinks* he needs to be locked away. But really, she's happy with him on the loose!
]
>Time to go mock some guests…
- and I’ll make time to read about them later.
Kate
You never fail to make me smile, Kate. Thanks!
Becca has millions of followers, can’t she convert virtual followers into real-life followers? On the other hand, this may not be such a good idea, since “real-life followers” are normally known as “stalkers”.
True…
Thanks for the input.
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The Hook,
Two words: La Becca.
Le Clown
Good words!
Hook, this was a good service to Becca. Although, the problem of finding a good mate for Becca is not about her! Clearly, there are just too many idiots out there! Good luck, Becca. Wait for the man of your dreams!
She has the patience of a saint.
Otherwise she would have kicked my butt for posting this!
The comments were funny. I read some…I like…what about the ugly bloggers?!! I know, right? Becca is lovely. From my point of view, there is no rush for her.
She’s a trooper!
I’m not rushing her, trust me! I was simply inspired by her sentient blog’s comments and decided to have a little fun at her expense. And you’re right, she’s definitely a trooper!
I know you’re not rushing her. It’s just in my later years… I’m a wise, old woman now…you think, oh, no rush. Enjoy life being single!!
I’m sure she is!
Like… I can offer my services if you need any temporary pick-up, you know.
I’d be glad to help. Boundaries to be agreed.
You really are a pixie, aren’t you?
Thanks for the offer. Pixie Girl.
I just wanted to clarify I was offering my services to Becca. At least this time
I was wondering, but I didn’t want to ask! Thanks for the clarification, Pixie Girl.
I’m sure Becca appreciates the offer.
I thank you for brightening my corner of WordPress!
Awesome cause. LOL! Becca’s got an awesome blog too! Thanks for the suggest o’ literal brother. I am still HOOK’ed. Ow!
Glad to hear it!
Apparently I missed this whole party! I blame my blog.
Me too. You’re going to have to up your game if you’re going to stay on step ahead of your blog, Becca.
Dang I’m fresh out of newly-paroled cousins…wait a day or two. My family never sleeps
I mean, there’s always the Craigslist “Casual Encounters”…
Thanks for the help.
Hahaha, I thought it would be a good suggestion
It was!