Sheryl Crow sang that “a change will do you good” and people proclaimed her a brilliant singer/songwriter.
Sheryl Crow also dated Lance Armstrong.
Sheryl Crow may be an idiot.
Or not.
Either way, I know one thing: a change does not do The Hook good, to say the least.
Somewhere along the way, three days back, my mojo took a hit and the pain has spread from my addled brain to my wallet. I’ll explain, but first, an explanation: when a bellman returns from a call and informs his colleagues that he was “stiffed”, he isn’t referring to a sexual act but rather an insult of the highest order.
When a guest neglects to bestow a gratuity upon a bellman, we refer to the act as stiffing the bellman. It is the greatest insult one can hurl at a service worker.For the last three days, my record has reflected the universe’s hatred for me.
- DAY 1: Four stiffs.
- DAY 2: Three stiffs.
- Day 3: Two stiffs.
Nine stiffs in three days is the equivalent of crossing a train wreck containing nothing but puppies with the maiden voyage of the Titanic. As further proof of the madness that enveloped my life, I offer this: a group of horny, drunken bachelorottes actually gave five dollars to deliver their booze and sex toys, but a family of four – all of them sober and perfectly polite – stiffed me.
The universe is a strange place, my friends.
But somehow – don’t ask me how – I managed to break the hex placed upon me by some unknown enemy and my Sunday began with a twenty-dollar tip and just progressed from there.
Free at last, The Hook is free at last.
Glad it’s going up for you.
That makes two of us! It was touch and go for a while there!
Stiffs? Dead bodies. And when I visit, you’ll have to remind me Not to stiff you… Glad things are looking up.
Thanks, Jennifer. I was sweating for a few days. The Hook needs to get paid!
You win some, you lose some. Customers suck. But not all of them.
Very true. But nice people are boring and make lousy blog fodder, so bring on the bad guys!
True.
I am a former waiter (and a damn good one!). It’s a bitch some times when a great deal of your livelihood depends on the kindness (etiquette) of others. Glad to see some good cheese goin’ your way.
Me too! Thanks for the continued support!
Were you the sex toy, and if so, next time demand a little more than $5 to make up for the sober stiffs!
Good advice!
Rude people. I always tip.
And that’s reason #231 why I love you!
The polite family is actually stingy and a tightwad. My friend, who works as a waitress has noticed that too. The singles are more free with their pocketbooks. I guess it makes sense… just a little bit.
I suppose so.
I’d tip you at least twenty just for being awesome, never mind the bags!
You’re a special person, Deborah, no question,
I need to drop by your cyber-haven more often.
I can’t afford to go to a place with a bellman, sorry. But if I could, I wouldn’t stiff you. Great story. I like the pacing in your work, very fast, very smart.
I can’t believe a pretty girl actually referred to me as “smart”! Thanks!
I love the drunk people. Most of the time they forget how much they spent, so they keep tipping you.
Yeah, that rules!
I loved that and miss it.
I just don’t understand how people can “stiff” service people when they KNOW (don’t tell me they don’t) that service personnel depend on tips. They tip in restaurants (supposedly) and hair salons (I hope). Why not valets and bellmen? I don’t get it. Well, I’m glad things have started to look up for you with the $20 tip. Let’s hope it continues.
We don’t tip in Aus, but that is no excuse for ignorance.
Well said – both of you!
The pros and cons of tipping:
We were in one of our favourite eating places. The manager was away. The mice were at play. The service was not up to its normal quality. The mice kept playing. The meal was its usual quality however, the experience was not….
As you know, my dear Hook, here in Oz we are not expected to tip… (Service person’s wages are not high (in most cases), though the tip quotient is ‘built in’.) If this was not the case, might our experience have been different..!?! Perhaps, though I am more in favour of a ‘built-in’ factor, rather than a dependence upon ‘the dance’….
You always bring some intelligence to my table, Carolyn! Thank you.
You know, reading your blog makes me feel like I haven’t really lived. I have never been in a hotel that had a bellman. I’d probably stiff you because I never carry cash. It might be similar to the scene in Pretty Woman. (I am a very good tipper otherwise)
I believe you! And I’d forgive you – but only you!
Glad to finally get to hear the Bellman’s story. I will be ever mindful of this.
Thanks! That’s all I can ask.
I work at a seasonal resort and by the end of July we go from the Hospitality industry to the Hostility industry.
I hear you!
I hope things continue to look up for you, Hook! I think a lot of people don’t realize they should tip. What do you think? I think people are confused. I hope more tips are coming your way.
I realize some people simply don’t consider tipping, but how can anyone in this day and age truly not understand the concept?
I’m sure my dry spell was a blip on my radar – I hope!
LOL… You said “stiff”… a lot
I knew you wouldn’t let that pass…
I’m planning a trip to Niagara…and I will find you and I will tip!! FYI…I travel with A LOT of luggage!! But I’m boring…no sex toys to be delivered to the room.
I also will expect the bellman to know the best local wine recommendations!!!
BTW..anything back on the email?
J
I’d be honored to take your hard-earned money, Jessica! I’d earn it, I’m sure. I’ll be sure to brush up on my local wines…
Nothing back on the e-mail yet, but these things take time, so there’s hope, right?
That’s the huge drawback of politeness, people think that a “Thank you” is a sufficient reward.
I wish I could use “Thank You” to pay my mortgage…
The Hex has been lifted! Yay Hook! I reminded my daughter to tip when she won that trip to NYC! Training starts early…
You’re a good mom,. Susie…
Thanks Hook! I keep trying!
The universe is a strange place indeed. But I’m glad the hex is gone!
You’re not the only one!
Gruß und eine gute Woche.Gislinde
Alles Gute für Sie, mein lieber Freund.
Happy to hear the tipping has resumed, Hook!
Out of curiosity, amongst your colleagues, what is the record for ‘stiffs’ in one day (that anyone would admit to)?
You know, I’m not sure, but probably five!
The universe is strange my friend! Drink XX!!
I don’t drink, but I should start!
It’s NEVER TO LATE to start! LOL
True!
Sounds like you got whacked by the same forces that jabbed a finger in Super Bowl’s eye by pulling the plug on the power. Evil electric impulses surging across the country? Solar flares blazing amok? Early warning signal for that approaching Asteroid 2012 DA14 headed for earth 2/15/13?
Feeling better since you say the hex has been broken….fingers crossed. (but you do have the contact info for some Super Heroes? They might glare sinister-like at guests to “remind” them of their manners if necessary in the future?)
Hope today is a winner for ya’
Darn stiffs! I’m glad you’re back on top. Ow!
I used to think Sheryl Crow was so intelligent, until she started dating Armstrong, but I just chalked that up to jealousy. Glad someone else saw the same thing. Sounds like a got “stiffed” in a different way by the bachelorettes.
Wow, thanks Hook – you’ve got me in some great company up there!
Maybe the stiffers just want the immortality that will come from being in your next book?
Wow you really were on a bad streak for a while there Hook! I’m glad it’s over and you rebounded with a BANG! What’s up with those idiot people not tipping you? I’ll never understand human uber-stupidity.
If they are brought up and taught to tip they will tip. My husband made sure my son knew about tipping and even had him figure out how much we should tip when we were out to eat. He is now 26, not making a ton of money, but always tips.
I prefer to get stiffed in the morning,,,oh wait you didn’t mean that kind of stiff right??
My bad.
I have overtipped people SO hard while trashed. It’s a thing.
Proud of it too.
Glad the hex broke! I feel like all people should have to work in service industries so they understand what it’s like for us when people stiff or are rude, etc!
I thought of you today. I was walking by a hotel and this family was in the process of carrying out all of their “luggage” out to their car. It was chaos. Bags, coolers, and I don’t know what. Don’t know how you put up with it.
Neither do I!
Well I sure wouldn’t stiff ya Hook…
…wait, that just sounds wrong. But I kinda like it…
I can see that…