First off, I wish to extend my thanks to my new friend at Coming Clean About Getting Dirty for inspiring today’s post. Let’s begin, shall we?
1. You see more hookers than a vice cop with thirty years experience.
2. When your wife asks to you to work around the house, you stand with your hand out afterwards… For all the good it does you.
3. You wear your uniform to bed and ask your wife if she wants “a ride on your cart”.
4. You serve more degenerate gamblers than a blackjack dealer.
5. You’ve been stiffed more than a hooker in a Supergirl costume at Comic-Con.
6. Having a selective memory is second nature. So when a regular guest who frequently enjoys the company of hookers arrives with his wife, you say “Welcome? Have you been here before, sir?”
7. You spend more time bending over than a choir boy. To clarify: a bellman bends over to pick up luggage.
8. A typical day ends with you walking through your front door Al Bundy style, proclaiming: “Today at the hotel…”
9. You run into a fugitive, a drug dealer and a half-naked cheating wife running through a crowded lobby – all in the same day.
10. The phrase, “never a dull moment” really does apply to your life.
11. You realize you’re living a writer’s dream: an endless supply of colorful characters just waiting to be exploited.
12. Words like “dignity” and “pride” have no place in your life story.
13. On your best day, you go home with a wad of bills thick enough to choke a horse.
14. On your worst day, you make eight dollars – after eight hours work.
15. Corporate businessmen throw American one dollar bills at you – but you’re not a stripper.
16. Hustling becomes second nature. You do what you have to make a buck. Period.
17. You’re everybody’s bitch. Front desk clerks. Guests. Everybody.
18. Crazy is the new normal in your world.
19. When doing your taxes, you have to wait a full fifteen minutes for the H&R Block tax guy to stop laughing after he sees your income for the year.
20. Seniors look at you and say “So what are you going to do with your life when you get out of school, young man?”
21. You’ve been stalked by more cougars than an elk.
22. You’ve delivered more sex toys than UPS.
23. At least once a week someone will mistake you for:
- A) A drug dealer.
- B) A pimp.
- C) A male hooker.
- D) A psychiatrist.
- E) All of the above.
24. You’ve delivered more Liberators - look it up - than FedEx.
25. You’ve heard more people having sex than the audio guy for a Bree Olson movie.
MEANWHILE, OVER AT THE BOOK OF TERRIBLE: The Hook is blocked. But trust me, I still have a trick or two up my sleeve…
WHERE TO GO ON THE WEB: 5 PICKS FROM THE HOOK.
- Miss Four Eyes: She has a strange love of glasses; big ones, small ones, red ones, blue ones, all kinds! And she’s cute, talented and fearless. What more could you ask for in a blogger?
- Bring me the Head of David Dixon: It would take a better man than me to describe this character in a line or two. Sadly, my meager literary abilities are not up to the task…
- Single Malt Monkey: An ally from way back, he’s the original Renaissance man.
- Ava Aston’s Muckery. The original Renaissance woman. Singer. Actress. Blogger. Utterly unforgettable. She is in the midst of a true challenge that could launch the next phase of her career. Help her out if you can, okay?
- Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge: A true original. period. There’s nothing like this blog on WorsdPress. Trust me.