My Love/Hate Relationship With Mondays…

BEFORE WE BEGIN: Thanks for all the support, folks; my guest post over at Crazy Working Mom was a huge success! I have the best buds I can afford on a bellman’s salary…

Now for something fresh. Okay, this is a Monday post – on a Thursday no less – but I still maintain the word “fresh” applies…

The dreaded “M-Day” in question actually began at 5:06 a.m., as I was called upon to fill-in for one of our midnight bellmen who found himself struck down by pneumonia. Normally, I would still be fast asleep, my beautiful wife at my side (no doubt dreaming of vampires, but that is neither here nor there.), but no, I had to don my second skin and deliver two-hundred and forty-five bills and three-hundred and fifteen newspapers to various rooms spread across two towers and eighty floors.

That, of course, accounts for the “hate” portion of my relationship with the first day of the week.

On most days I relish the fifteen-minute walk to work; the quiet contemplation puts my mind at ease. Until I actually arrive at work, that is. At that point, all bets are off. I began my labors in a smooth, quiet fashion, developed over the course of fifteen years. But although my skills are polished, they often prove useless when I find myself confronted with the actions of the Modern Traveler. Case in point: as I dropped yet another newspaper in front of yet another door, the morning stillness of the fortieth floor was broken by a cacophony of grunts, moans, and the following statements:

ENTHUSIASTIC FEMALE OF THE SPECIES:  Yeah, do me like a black man! I deserve it!

A grin worthy of the Cheshire Cat spread across my tired face. Then it dropped like a cartoon anvil…

OVER-ENTHUSIASTIC – AND CONFUSED – FEMALE OF THE SPECIES: Hang on, baby, this thing is coming loose! (There was silence, followed by the sounds of what I can only assume were straps being readjusted…) Okay, baby! I’ll do you like… who’s that big basketball guy?

THE HOOK: (Lost in the moment.) Shaq?

Note to self: When listening in on girl-on-girl action… REMAIN QUIET!

My impulsive decision to vocalize the voice in my head forced my hand, and I decided to employ a strategic retreat.

In other words, I got the hell out of Dodge, fast.

I finished my deliveries with a smile on my face and a song in my heart – Katy Perry’s I Kissed A Girl, obviously – and the morning became relatively calm. For a little while at least…

As the Eleventh Hour waned, I was summoned to the Front Desk, where I was greeted by the smiling faces of two of my favorite agents. Their smiles had been prompted by the delivery of a pile of luggage to their desk – by a rather colorful individual.

Apparently an angry husband had hastily packed up his wife’s bags and delivered them to the lobby. Rather than risk a direct confrontation, he chose to leave them in my capable, but extremely unlucky, hands.

I feel as though I’ve forgotten an integral part of our tale. What could that be? Oh yes, the best part of the story lies n the delivery instructions given to me by one of my colleagues:

“We need you to deliver these bags to a room, Robert. A guy just dropped them off and said ‘Take my wife’s shit! She’s staying here!’ Apparently he’s divorcing her. And oh yeah, when you put this in your blog. just remember, he had one arm.”

My response?

“I know there’s a joke in there somewhere. I just have to find it..”

This, of course, accounts for the “love” portion of my relationship with the first day of the week… 

As for the wife, she was a white female in her mid-forties, not-so-fresh from the trailer park, who looked as though she had seen better days. To say the least.

Then again, I wouldn’t expect any woman whose one-armed, white trash husband had just kicked her to the curb, to look vibrant…

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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65 Responses to My Love/Hate Relationship With Mondays…

  1. Jo Bryant says:

    i would have thought by now you KNEW when to keep quiet…hehehe

  2. twindaddy says:

    How can Monday suck when it starts like that?

  3. JackieP says:

    I can just see your face (if I knew what you looked like that is) when you umm overheard the two women. hahahaha. I can also picture the one arm guy and his soon to be ex. Oh man, too bad you can’t take pictures to post. :-)

  4. I got only hate for Mondays! Nothing more, nothing less!

  5. robincoyle says:

    It wasn’t Shaq. It was Kobe. He is the womanizer of trailer-trash.

  6. El Guapo says:

    Well, at least he left his soon to be ex at an upscale hotel…

  7. I still love that you walk to work. … Is it really that easy to hear people in the rooms? Or were they louder than most? … And that last woman might be happy to be rid of that paper hanger.

  8. And she gets to stay at an upscale hotel that has a bellman? Lucky trail-trash ex wife…. maybe you could hook (ha ha) her up with the Shaq-lovin’ ladies…

  9. Ray's Mom says:

    You do lead an interesting life…… next time I stay in a hotel I will remember that the doors are equally as thin as the walls. This is a really learning experience here…..

  10. Bob Lee says:

    Ahhh, I agree with Jo Bryant and Jackie there, but for you to be caught off guard … now that has to be a Kodak moment (lol). I do wonder how trailer trash gets the room tho, and here I thought Trix were for kids ..

  11. Diane C says:

    Oh. My. Gawd! I actually peed my pants a little bit. heehee. I’m going to be chuckling all night!

  12. That’s a lot of papers and bills to deliver – you don’t ever have to go to the gym do you?
    A never ending supply of wackiness at your place

  13. Blown says:

    I’m not mocking you, but I feel a movie of your day-to-day would be a great comedy success in the theaters… Of course, it would have to be told the exact way you tell us… but… hey…wait… would that be making a movie from your book? :-)

  14. TBM says:

    I hate when the voice inside my head escapes–bad things happen.

  15. I wish my week started like that

  16. MissFourEyes says:

    Maybe Ms Trailer Park would like the Shaq ladies?

  17. >The dreaded “M-Day” in question actually began at 5:06 a.m., as I was called upon to fill-in for one of our midnight bellmen who found himself struck down by pneumonia.
    – Arrgh! Just like the dreaded beeper going off. For me. Back in the day.

    >rooms spread across two towers and eighty floors.
    – You’re ½ way up the Burj now. ;-) Seriously though – whoa, that’s a lotta miles!

    >THE HOOK: (Lost in the moment.) Shaq?
    – Ha ha ha!

    >I finished my deliveries with a smile on my face and a song in my heart – Katy Perry’s I Kissed A Girl, obviously
    – Well played!

    >And oh yeah, when you put this in your blog.
    – See? You’re famous!

    New year, but nothing new in the world, I see?

    Sad for the stars of the story, lessons for the readers of the story and ‘Thank you’ to the narrator of the story for reminding me, time and again, of how lucky I am for blessings in the form of good people I encounter, narrator included. :-)

    Kate

  18. mairedubhtx says:

    What a way to start a week! That poor woman. Here husband just packed her stuff and left her at the hotel? How sad.

  19. raisingdaisy says:

    Hahaha!!! Well at least he had the “decency” to deliver her stuff instead of burning it! Silver lining on the trailer, maybe? ;)

  20. workspousestory says:

    You really make me rethink my behaviour in hotels…

    …which is just as well, since I’ll spend a week in one from Sunday!

  21. Nicole Marie says:

    I wish my Mondays were like this. This was hilarious. My friend works the front desk in a local hotel and she has some funny stories….but none quite like this!!! I need to post more often about my crazy bartending stories.

  22. Sonya says:

    I really thought you were going to say the girl was screwing a guy with a strap on making your Cheshire grin more of a frown. That is a really funny series of events though!

  23. mcqty says:

    Hey Hookie !! You really make me want to reconsider my career after 13 years!! I know it gets to be a drag at times or it wouldn’t be work, but the interesting moments you have alone are a reason to do your job !!

  24. unfetteredbs says:

    am I the only one that feels sympathy for you having to deliver ALL those newspapers? I do because i am a retired papergirl.

  25. Adam S says:

    Hook, this was funny as hell. I needed a laugh right now, too. This is non-fiction, right?

  26. MishaBurnett says:

    I get to share some interesting work stories from the college dorms, but I think you’ve got me beat.

  27. mairedubhtx says:

    I nominated you for the Liebster Blog Award. Go to my blog to find out about it.

  28. Ahhh, the joys of working with and for humanity… It does the heart good to know that when confronted by life’s little blessings (like a one arm white trash male dumping wife’s belongings in the foyer of happiness) there will be a bellman, such as you, my dear Hook, looking after said belongings with the care and attention they so well deserve….! ;)
    More fodder for a book; to be sure…! ;)

  29. Hahaha! Oh my gosh. I never knew work could be so exciting. And weird. lol

  30. Don’t you just love working with the public, where the customre is always right? Sounds like you have an interesting job!

  31. renxkyoko says:

    Whoa ! Those things happened in the morning? he he

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