More Sunday Morning Shenanigans With the Hook!

You ever have one of those days? We’ve all experienced those moments that make us feel like the puppet masters controlling the universe are out to get us, right?

 And of course, those moments are intensified when we’re in the workplace, where our actions are restricted by professional etiquette.

 Try having a week’s worth of “one of those days” compressed into a single three-hour period and maybe you’ll be able to feel what’s its like to be The Hook. In a single Sunday morning I was witness to:

  •  A traveling caravan of silver foxes – whose attitudes ran hot and cold.
  • Cheap, obnoxious middle-aged Alpha Males with bully complexes.
  • Man-eating elevators.
  • Horny, uninhibited teenagers who feel my desk is a suitable place to dry hump.

 The list goes on, but we only have a single post, so here goes… The silver foxes in question actually checked in Friday night  and proceeded to wreak havoc from the get-go by refusing to allow their bellman to follow protocol and store their luggage until they arrived at the room. Instead, he left the bags at the Bell Desk, – which is always manned – thus alleviating the foxes concerns.

In theory, at least.

I was fortunate enough to be watching the desk at that moment and so I spent two very tense minutes glancing back and forth at five sisters and their wheelchair-bound mother as they stood motionless, their collective gaze alternating between the luggage cart and the desk.

THE HOOK: You can check in, ladies. I’ll watch the bags until you call down with your room number.

FOX #1: We need to be sure the bags are fine! We don’t know you!

THE HOOK: Okaaaay, but one of you should go tot he Front Desk while the rest remain on guard duty. If not, you’ll be standing here all night.

 We reached a compromise: I accompanied the “guardian foxes” to the Front Desk and waited with them while Fox #1 checked in. Unfortunately for me, the guardians assumed I was mostly deaf, and so they were free to bash my hotel, department and integrity while I stood a mere two feet away! Fox #1 returned after what felt like an eternity and I retrieved their original bellman.

They offered me $5 (“For your time.”) but I politely refused; you just know you’ve gone too far when a bellman refuses to take your money!

However, as luck would have it they were my first call Sunday morning and so they were afforded a second chance to walk all over me! They did just that; making me wait twenty minutes – as the check-out calls poured in – while they posed for pictures and argued over the proper way to pack the trunk. here’s a helpful hint: let the bellman pack the trunk; he may actually have more experience then you.

But in the end, they handed me $15 and left me with a tale to tell, thus bringing balance to my day… For a moment.

Next up was the aforementioned Alpha Male who slammed eighty-five cents down on my desk after I retrieved his two bags from our storage room. “I don’t know why I’m tipping you, but here you go!” he bellowed, as a crowded lobby and my fellow bellmen looked on in wonder and confusion.

Against my better judgement I let the matter pass – I can’t take on every goofball who thinks he can push service personnel around, although it would certainly be fun to try – although I did issue an edict forbidding anyone from placing his laughable gratuity in our tip cup. It sat there as a reminder of man’s inhumanity to man.

From mankind to the machine world: I rounded a corner and watched as one of my fellow employees attempted to assist two female guests by stalling a departing elevator – by placing his arm between the closing doors. He assumed the sensor would detect his presence and send the doors back to the “open” position.

Much like the Alpha Male, the sensor showed him nothing but contempt and the inside doors closed completely. He pulled his arm back enough to avoid the first set, but the outside doors slammed against his limb, holding it firm as the elevator began its upward ascent.

Not to worry, he was able to easily free his arm. I f only he could have escaped what came next…

THE HOOK: (After assuring his colleague was completely unharmed) Don’t you EVER pull a stunt like that again! Customer service shouldn’t trump personal safety. Your arm is not worth $11 an hour!

I think my words sunk in; I know the female guests will think twice before asking someone to stall an elevator for them.

And finally, I returned to my desk after a morning filled with colorful characters and outrageous situations only to encounter a testament to the current state of parenting in North America. Let me break it down for you:

  • A lobby filled with the last remnants of the departing horde.
  • There was a girl of seventeen, dressed like a hooker, but with pigtails. She was going for “Lolita” look. I guess.
  • Her Situation-wannabe boyfriend, his “wife beater” t-shirt clinging to his skinny frame.
  • Their posse, Jersey Shore clones, each and every one.
  • Together, the two aberrations looked deep into each others vacant eyes and rocked back and forth against my desk like two lemmings on Viagra.

I turned to one of my colleagues and remarked, “This day just keeps getting better and better.”

THIS SATURDAY IS THE DAY, FOLKS….

Niagara Falls Comic-Con 2012

June 9. 2012 10 A.M – 7 P.M.
Scotiabank Convention Centre
Niagara Falls. Ontario. Canada

For full details, click here, fan boys and girls!

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About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
This entry was posted in Holidays, Hotel Employees, Hotel Life, Humor, Life, Postaweek2012, Social Commentary, Travel, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

60 Responses to More Sunday Morning Shenanigans With the Hook!

  1. Just wait until the next generation starts to raise children. Can only speculate on what they will look like :).

  2. raisingdaisy says:

    Good Lord!! And just when I think things can’t get any wilder! That Alpha Male should have his Alpha knocked off – what a jerk!

  3. wherethedaytakesme says:

    Enjoy yourself at the comic con.

  4. becca3416 says:

    “Two lemmings on viagra”! Haha, thanks for the morning chuckle.

  5. rweinstein6 says:

    Eighty-five cents? Anyone who doesn’t treat service personnel with respect is NOT a nice person.

  6. Oh my God, I’m sorry to laugh, but this is funny stuff. It never ceases to amaze me how gross people act. I was in the service industry for years so I feel your pain. I was a cocktail waitress many years ago and received a 10 CENT tip from Cher and her husband at the time Greg Almond. Maybe they thought that gazing on their presence was tip enough?

  7. Best action ever: “It sat there as a reminder of man’s inhumanity to man.” (the only thing more fun would have been to place a thank you note and a picture of the guy next to it)
    Please – tell those guys to NEVER ever stick any body parts in a closing elevator door. (shiver). A few years ago we lost a nice young doctor in large medical center – sliced and killed him – and there are other recorded incidents ( not accidents – people should know better). Good job Hook – saving co-workers and managing guests!

  8. You are so darn entertaining. Thanks for another fun installment!

  9. As a real Jersey girl, I would like to say that those posing, preening, puce pretenders and their clones offend the hell out of Jerseyites and we had nothing to do with them wending your way!

  10. Kanerva says:

    Enjoyable as always, although I’ve never seen Jersey Shore I get the picture :)

  11. TBM says:

    85 cents…did he count it out or just empty his pocket. Oh wait, he probably can’t count.

  12. Caroline says:

    That makes my head hurt…thinking of one of those days crammed into a three hour period. Yikes. You always seem to handle the situations better than anyone else though!

  13. twindaddy says:

    Has stupidity reached epidemic status yet?

  14. Val says:

    At least your desk got a good polishing!

  15. Wow! 85-cent man coulda paid off your mortgage.

  16. I always leave with a ‘wry’ smile (not a bad thing) and a little gleam in me eye…. (definitely not a bad thing) my dear Hook…. ;)

  17. Jeannie says:

    I bet that alpha male has man boobs! I call his 85 cents and raise it $20, just on principle!! Love ya Hook!

  18. People, on the whole, are stupid and rude. Look at it this way: at least you get a front row seat to all the idiocy, hence much fodder for your blog, and you get paid for it! :) thanks for sharing with us!

  19. Sounds like another productive day or helping people with all of their junk. (in more ways than one)

  20. Another great installment in the life of :)

  21. Oh man, your Sundays – a religious experience. :) Now the next trick is to tape a secret camera, masquerading as a badge, ( a Hook symbol maybe) to your lapel. I’d love to see these things on youtube with your dry voice over.

  22. Woman says:

    Mister The Hook… fabulous post as always!!!

    Just wanted to let you know.. a friend and I sat around one rainy day here in the desert and watched all the Avenger movies that are out.And I have to say oh la la!!!

  23. renxkyoko says:

    Oh.

    Mr. Hook, I did not laugh at your co-worker whose arm almost got ripped off from the socket. Darn. My jaw dropped when I read that part. I hope the ladies thanked him profusely ?

  24. For some reason I thought of you when I was out shopping the other day. I went with my mother-in-law to buy some furniture and the experience was GOD AWFUL! Maybe this weekend I will get to write a post about it… until then, just know there are idiots on both sides of the desk sometimes!

  25. eva626 says:

    LOL…hook oh hook. such fun with you! 85 cents!????

  26. The Guat says:

    Dude. 85 cents? What up? I don’t know how you contained yourself. You’ve got strength, man, strength!

  27. mizqui says:

    .85 cents!?!? You did right to write about it. How trifling. I do so enjoy our peek into your career life. Stay LITERAL brother. Each posts renders a special kind of humor too — one that’s easy to get HOOK-ed on. (-:

  28. Pingback: Anatomy of a Bell Call…. | You've Been Hooked!

  29. 53weeks says:

    I’m really enjoying reading your blog, you should have it published somewhere.
    Just to let you know I always acknowledge service personnel and say please and thank you, but I never have any idea what to tip them ……
    Keep up the great work!

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