The Hook on…. Hookers!

To clarify, The Hook has never actually been “on” a hooker.

Truthfully, even if I was single I wouldn’t have that kind of money.

It’s a quiet Saturday but hookers have been on the collective tongue of the hotel – so to speak.

10 A.M

Two foreign hookers, one old and very used, the other young – for now – and soon-to-be very used, fidgeted in the lobby while their young johns sat down and celebrated their “victory”. The hookers in question were sporting the same trashy outfits and make-up from the previous night and so they stood out in the crowd. I only wish I could have pulled these guys aside and offered then a patented “Hook Tip”.

ANOTHER TRAVEL TIP FROM THE HOOK: Never hang out in the lobby – alone or otherwise – and celebrate a night of cheap, drunken, clumsy sex with dirty, foreign prostitutes . You don’t want the world to know you lack the skills necessary to attract a mate who will emulate a prostitute for you.

It’s much more satisfying to land a “Good Girl” who can be an Angel in public and a Devil behind closed doors.

This tip applies to my next guest as well.

12:10 P.M.

He was a white male (Black guys rarely employ hookers. Why is that?) going on fifty. She was a hooker of a different stripe…

• Very furry. A fur hat and coat, that is!
• Big, trashy sunglasses.
• Extremely high-cut boots.
• And most important of all, she had that “hooker vibe” emanating from her like cheap perfume! You know, that “I’m better than you because my vajayjay has a ticket window!” type of look and behavior?

This lovely couple wasn’t actually rude to me – although they did opt to remove half the booze and small bags from the cart after we’d loaded it – but my instincts were screaming “Cut and Run!” so I did just that! My replacement didn’t attempt to throttle me upon his return so I can only assume the call was without incident.

For him, anyway. If it had been me who knows what might have gone down? Maybe that was a poor choice of words – or maybe not.

1:30 P.M.

My fellow employees keep me in the loop with hotel happenings – everyone loves to “rap” with The Hook – so I still get to enjoy the craziness that unfolds on a daily basis, even if I’m not directly involved.

A nondescript mom in her forties checks in, family in tow, and proceeds to send dad and the little urchins to the pool so she can have some “alone time”. In this case that means a photo shoot.

It seems “June Cleaver” moonlights as an escort. But wait, there’s more! She has gone digital: website and all! And so she was hosting a photo shoot in her room – fully nude, of course – to “showcase her product”.

I really have to install cameras in these rooms; that’s where the real money is….

NO WONDER SHE WAS ALWAYS SMILING! JUNE, WE HARDLY KNEW YE…

ON A PERSONAL NOTE…

June 9. 2012 10a-7p
Scotiabank Convention Centre
Niagara Falls. Ontario. Canada

For full details, click here, fan boys and girls!

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