I was stiffed by a chick in a wheelchair. Seriously.
You’d think a person of limited mobility would be grateful for the assistance but sadly, that was not the case. She offered me no guidance in the placement of the bags or any small talk. Instead, she complained of a headache and so I handed her a bottle of water to wash down some aspirin.
My reward? Not even a “Thank you, maggot!”.
I wanted to block the door and yell, “FIRE!”
But of course I didn’t; instead I maintained my professional composure. It’s not as though I was asking her to run a marathon, I was merely expecting a little courtesy.
If you feel I’ve gone too far here, just remember… IT’S ALL ABOUT HUMOR, PEOPLE!!! If I can’t treat everyone the same, then why do so many strive for equality?
I’ve regaled you with many a tale of a crazy Sunday morning and the mad rush for the elevators. This particular Sunday was no different, but this particular Mom sure was.
She embarked on an elevator ride with her two kids that should have taken two minutes, but of course the car stopped at virtually every floor and filled up quickly. In her own words, “I lost it quickly and completely.”
I was in the middle of fulfilling a high roller’s request: “Help me bypass the crowd, will you kid? Get my bags down from the room quickly and I’ll take care of you.” But of course, my path put me in direct sight of “Hysterical Mom” and her shell-shocked rugrats.
HYSTERICAL MOM: Please sir, could you help me bring my bags to the Valet area? I’ve had a meltdown on the elevator and I don’t know how I’ll go on…
Obviously I couldn’t refuse a request from a lady, never mind a hysterical one! I loaded up her bags – she had a ton of them – and raced back to the lobby in record time. Seriously, she ate my dust! I dropped the bags off in the exact center of the room, raced back to the elevators and barely nodded as she gave me a bewildered look. She attempted a “Thank you” but I had no time for pleasantries. Besides, she was being tended to by another staffer, so she was fine – sort of.
Back on track, I arrived at my intended destination, collected my high roller’s bags – AND MY SIZABLE TIP – and explained my tardiness.
HIGH ROLLER: Oh yeah, I saw that lady downstairs. She was a mess! No problem, buddy. Especially if you can get me past that crazy mob crowding the elevators!
THE HOOK: You’re in good hands, sir!
We commandeered a service elevator…
ANOTHER TRAVEL TIP FROM THE HOOK:
When waiting for an elevator during a period of peak activity, be sure to hit both direction buttons. The elevator has to be moving in one of the two directions, right? If it’s empty, you can sometimes redirect it by simply selecting a floor. If not, at least you’re on the elevator, right? It’s better than standing there like an idiot!
BACK TO “HOOK AND THE HIGH ROLLER”!
So I got my new friend downstairs in a flash, loaded his truck and received a hearty handshake and a “ATTABOY!”. Not bad for a smart ass bellman, right?
As for Hysterical Mom, she didn’t have to be hospitalized so her tale had a happy ending after all. Not a dry one – she wouldn’t stop sobbing - but a happy one nonetheless.
That’s all for now folks, see you soon.