Summer Fun, “Whales”, and Fan Expo Canada!

When you’re a bellman in a tourist town, summer is both a blessing and a curse.

Sure, you have the opportunity to make some cold hard cash but you’ll be using it to buy aspirin. Lots of it.

Still, there are some moments of joy to be had if you’re willing to indulge your naughty side.

  • Like the time I “accidentally” ran my bell cart over a little girl who wouldn’t.. stop.. yelling! She just giggled and shot right back up, by the way. No harm, no foul.
  • When you’re delivering newspapers and bills in the midnight hour and you hear the unmistakable sound of couples engaged in coitus. The trick is to linger at the door just long enough to avoid charges.
  • There was the time a young hotshot tried to get his drunk, nearly comatose girlfriend from the car to the room. I may have forgotten to activate the motion sensor on the sliding doors. She was drunk, so the resulting “thud” just sounded bad. 
  • If a guest stiffs a bellman they will sometimes get directions that are, let’s say, less than accurate! I’ve never actually done this, but I know plenty of people who have. I’d love to see the look on the face of the guest when they realize they’ve been had!
  • Very early in my hotel career, at another property, I happened upon a young lady searching for a specific room. She was clearly a hooker, to be blunt, and she was adjusting her “barely-there” outfit. “How do I look?” she asked. I replied,“Ask for the money up front.” What can I say? I was young.

Of course, I would be remiss if I failed to mention the “whales”, as they call them in Vegas. In my sleepy little town we just call them saviours! They tip well and they’re always good for a laugh or two. Here’s a brief rundown of some of the more interesting ones.

  • There was the “couple” who would check-in on a Sunday night, stay until Thursday and spend hundreds on tips and the casino! The gentleman wore thick sunglasses, and a World War II-era pilot’s jacket. He was also an eccentric who set up a model train set in the room. His companion was older and definitely more “with it”. Turns out they were siblings and the owners of a pharmacy that had been officially listed as closed but was still ordering product! Long sorted, story short, there were some legal issues that resulted, so the whales have been beached – permanently!
  • A small-business owner, semi-retired, who travels with his wife and who actually doesn’t mind spending hours waiting in line with her for Coach products! They even play bingo together and have “dabber belts” that resemble tool belts! Anyway, he calls our desk at checkout time and if I answer, I get a “Get your ass up here!”

The point is, I actually have a blast at work – sometimes! It’s just fun to share the rough times with all of you. And as I’ve said before, it’s cheaper than therapy.

And of course, if things get really dark, I can always retreat to my “special place” and picture myself amongst the unkissed fanboy masses at Fan Expo. August 27 is The Hook’s “End of the Season” gift to himself and his daughter, and it promises to be a blast for us and Hell for VampireLover (that would be the wife!).

Of course, the wife is a little bummed that the line-up is void of vampires (real or otherwise!), but still there are a few gems. Just check out some of the sci-fi talent…

      

   

By the way, a true fan wouldn’t need me to identify these people, but here goes…

Left to right, Row 1: Captain Kirk himself, William Shatner, Hayden Panettiere, Eliza Dushku, Lee Majors, Malcolm McDowell.

Row 2: Nichelle Nichols, Kevin Sorbo.

Row 3: c3po’s “human side” Anthony Daniels, Katee Sackhoff, Sam Trammell of True Blood, Tom Felton of Harry Potter fame.

That’s all for now, enjoy the last vestiges of summer, my friends; the dark days of winter will be here before you know it!

My advice? Go out with a bang. Whether it’s a massive, “waking-up-the-neighbors” party, a “rock ’til your ears bleed” concert, or a comic convention chockfull of geeky goodness, make sure you rage against the dying of the summer light.

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
This entry was posted in Comic Books, Hotel Employees, Hotel Life, Humor, Life, Postaweek2011, Social Commentary, Travel, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

42 Responses to Summer Fun, “Whales”, and Fan Expo Canada!

  1. mairedubhtx says:

    I love reading about your interesting clients.

  2. HoaiPhai says:

    You should take up a collection among the hotel staff and make a contribution to the “room service account” at the federal hotel in Kingston the pharma whales are now residing at. If you know their names, I’m pretty sure they can be looked up!

  3. granny1947 says:

    That was the best you could do…just run over her TOES!!!!

  4. Always enjoy reading your post Hook :) and if you keep having such “wonderful” (sarcastic) clients then you will always have something to write about, haha!

  5. Spectra says:

    You just hang in there…make your money and buckle down for winter! :D

  6. I love this entry’s conclusion. Also? I, too, am grateful for this cheaper form of therapy!

  7. Like the time I “accidentally” ran my bell cart over a little girl who wouldn’t.. stop.. yelling! She just giggled and shot right back up, by the way. No harm, no foul.

    Hahahahaha…that totally cracked me up…

  8. TBM says:

    Sounds like you enjoy your job!

  9. penpusherpen says:

    I’m raging, Hook, always raging… but I hide it so well.. ;-) and loved reading of your dastardly (and others) deeds, ah… life and the darker side, where would we be without you… Off out into the light, ’tis Sunday, and for once it’s living up to it’s name.. :-D … Have a good one.. xPenx

  10. gmom says:

    Oh Hook it’s the small joys in life that make it worthwhile. Running down small children…always good.
    Glad things are cheery in “Let’s blame Canada..”
    Take care and carry on oh dastardly one.
    gmom

  11. Captain Kirk and Draco Malfoy? What fun!

  12. Jo Bryant says:

    You get to see Kevin Sorbo – lucky you – I loved him in Hercules. Which was of course made here in little ol’ NZ.

  13. Your post cracked me up!
    I wish I could have seen the drunk girl run into the glass…Is that cruel? LOL

  14. Ipodman says:

    Whoa! Lots of stars there!

  15. raisingdaisy says:

    I just LOVE your stories! And I love the little “accidents” and “oversights” that befall inconsiderate and downright rude guests! :D (Your youthful comment to that hooker was so innocent but SO SO funny!!)

  16. Caroline says:

    Haha, these stories are hilarious. I love the hooker comment too, that’s great. As always, you’re quick on your feet and never fail to come back with a great, snarky response. Wish I had that skill!

  17. jlheuer says:

    Heading to Toronto I see. I know some good restaurants. Hey I bet the vampire lover can get behind the shapeshifter in your group. After all, he appears in True Blood.

  18. Oh man, I would have loved to see the drunk girl walk into the door. Like an angry bee…bump…bump… :) Gonna rage at the dying summer light forya… have a great day off at Fan Fest

  19. brittany220 says:

    Lol, you “accidentally” ran over a little girl with your cart who wouldn’t stop yelling. That is a funny thing to picture!

  20. mizqui says:

    Your quips are the best! Keep blogging. It incites THOUGHT and hard laughter. Whew! I luv it. :)

  21. Pingback: #69: Lines…. | The Book of Terrible

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