When you’re a bellman in a tourist town, summer is both a blessing and a curse.
Sure, you have the opportunity to make some cold hard cash but you’ll be using it to buy aspirin. Lots of it.
Still, there are some moments of joy to be had if you’re willing to indulge your naughty side.
- Like the time I “accidentally” ran my bell cart over a little girl who wouldn’t.. stop.. yelling! She just giggled and shot right back up, by the way. No harm, no foul.
- When you’re delivering newspapers and bills in the midnight hour and you hear the unmistakable sound of couples engaged in coitus. The trick is to linger at the door just long enough to avoid charges.
- There was the time a young hotshot tried to get his drunk, nearly comatose girlfriend from the car to the room. I may have forgotten to activate the motion sensor on the sliding doors. She was drunk, so the resulting “thud” just sounded bad.
- If a guest stiffs a bellman they will sometimes get directions that are, let’s say, less than accurate! I’ve never actually done this, but I know plenty of people who have. I’d love to see the look on the face of the guest when they realize they’ve been had!
- Very early in my hotel career, at another property, I happened upon a young lady searching for a specific room. She was clearly a hooker, to be blunt, and she was adjusting her “barely-there” outfit. “How do I look?” she asked. I replied,“Ask for the money up front.” What can I say? I was young.
Of course, I would be remiss if I failed to mention the “whales”, as they call them in Vegas. In my sleepy little town we just call them saviours! They tip well and they’re always good for a laugh or two. Here’s a brief rundown of some of the more interesting ones.
- There was the “couple” who would check-in on a Sunday night, stay until Thursday and spend hundreds on tips and the casino! The gentleman wore thick sunglasses, and a World War II-era pilot’s jacket. He was also an eccentric who set up a model train set in the room. His companion was older and definitely more “with it”. Turns out they were siblings and the owners of a pharmacy that had been officially listed as closed but was still ordering product! Long sorted, story short, there were some legal issues that resulted, so the whales have been beached – permanently!
- A small-business owner, semi-retired, who travels with his wife and who actually doesn’t mind spending hours waiting in line with her for Coach products! They even play bingo together and have “dabber belts” that resemble tool belts! Anyway, he calls our desk at checkout time and if I answer, I get a “Get your ass up here!”
The point is, I actually have a blast at work – sometimes! It’s just fun to share the rough times with all of you. And as I’ve said before, it’s cheaper than therapy.
And of course, if things get really dark, I can always retreat to my “special place” and picture myself amongst the unkissed fanboy masses at Fan Expo. August 27 is The Hook’s “End of the Season” gift to himself and his daughter, and it promises to be a blast for us and Hell for VampireLover (that would be the wife!).
Of course, the wife is a little bummed that the line-up is void of vampires (real or otherwise!), but still there are a few gems. Just check out some of the sci-fi talent…
By the way, a true fan wouldn’t need me to identify these people, but here goes…
That’s all for now, enjoy the last vestiges of summer, my friends; the dark days of winter will be here before you know it!
My advice? Go out with a bang. Whether it’s a massive, “waking-up-the-neighbors” party, a “rock ’til your ears bleed” concert, or a comic convention chockfull of geeky goodness, make sure you rage against the dying of the summer light.
- Marvel Debuts Dale Eaglesham’s Canadian-Flavored Captain America #1 Variant! (graphicpolicy.com)
- Benaroya Publishing To Hold Signings And Events At Fan Expo Canada (graphicpolicy.com)