Meet Little Napoleon!

After more than decade in the hospitality industry, you could produce belts from my skin. I’ve accepted my fate: to forever answer to an endless stream of douchebags.

Adult douchebags, that is.

Kids are another story entirely.

I was recently greeted at a room by a strong, powerful individual who knew exactly what he wanted from his bellman – total subservience. A seemingly endless list of commands rolled from his tongue as his mother just smiled and occasionally rolled her eyes.

Did mention the guest was eleven?

LITTLE NAPOLEON: Just take these bags here, here and there. Only take the things in this room. Put the cooler on the bottom, and leave the purse and gloves and jacket!

THE HOOK: All right… sir. Anything else?

At this pont he ignored me and began to order his mother around! She launched a series of weak protests, but with the father retrieving the car, she simply resigned herself to her fate. His Creator conquered, he turned his attention back to The Hook.

LP: (Picture little hands making descriptive gestures!) Okay, downstairs there is a round room (The Lobby) and outside, there is a road where they bring the cars in…

I had to look away for a moment in order to maintain my composure. All the while, my little thumbscrew continued…

LP: Our car is a tan Tahoe with four doors, the license plate is (obviously censored) and my father will be there waiting.

THE HOOK: And the vehicle’s mileage sir?

That shut him up and sent his mother into a fit of laughter.

Retreive My Bags Forthwith Or It's Off With Your Head!

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
This entry was posted in Hotel Employees, Hotel Life, Humor, Life, Postaweek2011, Social Commentary, Travel, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

49 Responses to Meet Little Napoleon!

  1. melsar93 says:

    Glad his mom had a sense of humor. Maybe he’ll turn out OK.

  2. mindslam says:

    That’s cool that you got her to laugh because you laid a tough one on him! Love reading your stories man!

  3. eva626 says:

    LOL…its common now to see little kids bossing around there parents and older siblings…my brother is one of them!

  4. Little Napoleon indeed!

    I love your comebacks. It’s probably the only thing that keeps you sane. That and this blog.

  5. raisingdaisy says:

    Haha good response Hook! Maybe he was inspired by the Home Alone kid who took control of those hotel bellman as well as the registration clerk? ;) I can’t stand it when kids control the parents; they’ll both reap exactly what they’ve sewn!

  6. brittany220 says:

    Haha wow he sounds like a pain, nice come-back!

  7. All i can feel is that he is sooo cute.

  8. Oh, maybe my bossy 3 yr old will grow out of it :( Love the way you pushed it back, ha! Kids dont know after all :)

  9. gmom says:

    That’s hilarious.
    We call our little bossy boots Mussolini.

  10. inidna says:

    Haha this was great! I love reading your stories – they always cheer me up immensely! Lord, I don’t know if I could have kept my cool round that kid! Props to you for making his mum laugh as you pulled one on him. Most excellent!

  11. hahaha reading ur stuff is always a treat! :)

  12. lexy3587 says:

    haha… oh joy, having your own workplace described to you… like you’re actually his (very dim) slave, brought in specifically to help him.

  13. Oh my god … the demon spawn … er, I mean little boy was only 11 and already that bossy!?!? God help the mother.

  14. Matt Appling says:

    Yes! I love beating kids at their own game. So much more effective at putting them in their place rather than losing your cool. It’s how I survived teaching junior high English. Kids fire some smart ass comment my way, they get double from me. Bam, sucka!

  15. I don’t know how you do it, sir. But another great post. Sorry you had to suffer Napoleon’s reign of terror.

  16. Woman says:

    Tee hee hee…. little douchebag indeed!!!!

  17. Pingback: Meet Little Napoleon! (via You’ve Been Hooked!) | JULIO FROM NY

  18. xeriouslywtf says:

    You’re very cool under pressure Hook, I’m always impressed. Guess it doesn’t look good to insert an 11 year old into their luggage.. fun though.

  19. I suppose the customer is always right, even when the customer is 11. And if he leaves with happy memories, you’ve got a client for life.

    That said, if my child spoke to someone like that, she’s be a bug on the windshield of that Tahoe. It’s funny when they’re four, not so much when they’re hitting their teens. Come to think of it, maybe you DON’T want Napoleon as a customer for life.

  20. Caroline says:

    HAHA I’m dying, this is hysterical. I pray to God that when I have children, my son/daughter doesn’t act like this. But come to think of it, they won’t, because I wouldn’t allow that behavior! How obnoxious. You came back with the perfect, witty comment though. I’m not surprised. :)

  21. You’ve got the patience of a saint! There is no way that I could’ve helped myself from looking at the mother and saying something witty like. “No tip required for the free ass-kicking I can give the boy if you’re so obliged.”

  22. Spectra says:

    What a little douche-bag, asswipe punk! You did the right thing. aIt’s as if you are British -curt, sucinct, detatched, condescending. A very satisfying read. Laffed all through!

    @ one persons view: Not only is the customer NOT always right, they are usually QUITE wrong! Some people think, they are paying for sheer Worship. Ugh- Barf here…[ barf!]

  23. Jeanne Heuer says:

    I’m catching up on posts! Touché Hook!

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